Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
People in love make me want to vomit
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize