Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
