so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
