hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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