i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
