I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
