Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
