after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
