Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
