Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
