i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
