They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
