There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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