I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
