they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
