she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
