It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
