She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
