Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
