Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
