i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
