I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
