no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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