Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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