i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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