What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
