You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
