I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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