im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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