i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
