i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
