I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
