I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
