There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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