My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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