HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
