I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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