I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
