How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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