I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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