just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
