I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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