from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
