He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
