I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize