he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
