What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
