i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think my vagina is haunted
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
