Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
