I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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