she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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