I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
