a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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