i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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