you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
