Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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