Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
