My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
