What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
40s are totally the cure
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
