You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
