We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
