hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
