Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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