Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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