One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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