ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize