Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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