He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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