he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
