I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
