last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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