At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
