had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
