I have demons in me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize