Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
