Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
