My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
