Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am available for nakedness
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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