Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
