i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
