I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
