Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
