Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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