how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
