I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
