some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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