put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
