Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
