Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
