1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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