well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
