im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
