I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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