dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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